SIXTY-ONE

I tore the covers off of me and collected my clothes, which were lying in a pile on the floor. I quickly got dressed and found my phone in my right pocket. I had 45 missed calls. All from Thomas.

"Fuck fuck fuck," I swore over and over.

Sid propped himself up on his elbows. "Morning, drunky."

"I have to go. How…what…oh God. I have to go." I wanted to die. My heart was beating so fast and I thought I was going to vomit. I was going to break down and cry at any moment.

"We didn't have sex," he said matter-of-factly.

I paused on my way out the door. "Then why was I almost naked?"

"Oh, I think you wanted to. As soon as we got in the room you started taking off your clothes. But I stopped you."

"You stopped me?" I repeated with disbelief as I closed the door and reentered the room. "Why were we in bed together?"

"How could I resist a chance to cuddle?"

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Okay, this wasn't terrible. I didn't cheat on Thomas. I just spent the night with Sid. But we didn't do anything. But Thomas didn't know that…all he knew was I met with Sid after the game and I did not return home.

"Why am I here?"

"You were kind of trashed. I was afraid to send you home on your own."

I pressed the heels of my hands into my eyes. "Oh, God," I groaned. "I have to go."

Sid crawled out of bed and pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry if I got you in trouble. But just so you know…even though I had to take care of your drunk ass, last night was the best night I've had in a really long time. I've missed you so much, Karine. Promise me you won't disappear again."

"I have to go home, Sid. Thomas is probably losing it. I'm sorry."

"Don't disappear again. Please. I need you in my life."

I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out. Tears clouded my vision as I turned away from him and left the room. I called a cab and then checked my voicemail on my way out of the hotel. Thomas left about 20 messages. At first he was simply worried, but his tone got angrier and angrier as the messages progressed. In the last one, sent around five in the morning, he was literally screaming at me.

I took the taxi to the parking garage where my car was still waiting from the night before. I dreaded going home, but I had no other option. I had to face Thomas and get everything cleared up.

***

My hands were shaking as I forced the key into the lock. I slowly opened the door, hoping Thomas was asleep and I could have an hour or so before I had to face him. I almost had a heart attack when I saw him standing in the kitchen, right in front of the door.

"Where the hell were you?" he asked in a slow, dangerous tone.

"Thomas, let me explain," I pleaded.

"You were with him."

"Nothing happened, I swear. I was drinking and he didn't want to send me home alone and—"

"SHUT UP," he bellowed, slamming a fist down on the counter.

I flinched and took a step backwards. I had never been afraid of him before, but my heart was racing and my entire body was shaking.

"I don't want to hear any fucking excuses from you," he said through clenched teeth.

"Nothing happened," I repeated. "I promise." I took an uncertain step towards him and stroked the side of his face.

He slapped my hand away. "Don't touch me," he growled.

"Thomas, please. Calm down."

"Calm down? CALM DOWN?! How am I supposed to be calm when my fiancé was out fucking Sidney Crosby all night?"

"Nothing happened!" I yelled. "Listen to me. I would not lie to you."

He stared at me, his entire face red with anger. He wrapped his fingers around my left wrist, holding it so tight I cried out in pain. Without breaking eye contact, he ripped my engagement ring from my finger.

"Get out of my sight," he demanded.

I ran out to my car and sat in the driver's seat, crying uncontrollably. I was out there for at least 45 minutes before I calmed down enough to drive to Sylvie's apartment.

"Oh God, what's wrong?" Sylvie said as she opened the door.

"Everything," I sobbed. I was still shaking and I was having trouble breathing because I was crying so hard. She led me into the living room and guided me to the couch. She got me a glass of water and I calmed down enough to tell her the entire story.

"What are you going to do?" she asked quietly when I was finished.

I shook my head. "I have no idea." Now that I was done crying, I felt like a zombie. My brain couldn't process anything.

"I can't believe Thomas lost it like that."

"Me neither. I've never seen him like that. I'm afraid to go get my stuff."

"Are you moving out?"

I shrugged. "This has started me thinking. Have I really been happy lately?"

Sylvie opened her mouth, but hesitated before answering. "Can I be honest?"

"Please."

She seemed to struggle reluctantly with what she was about to say. "I don't think you've been legitimately happy since you left Sid."

I frowned and nodded slowly, trying to digest what Sylvie had just said. "What do I do?"

"Whatever you think is right."

Sylvie left me on the couch, where I lay for over two hours thinking about everything. I had been unhappy lately, but I blamed it on being stressed because of the wedding. Thomas was a great guy, but I was beginning to wonder if I had tried to use him to fill the void Sidney had left. And now that I had seen Sid again, it was clear that no one could replace him. I could go back to Thomas, apologize a million times, and promise to never see Sidney again. It would be easy, and I could have a good life with Thomas. But was it the right decision? After seeing Sid again, it was clear some of the old feelings were still there. If I chose Sid, I would once again be forced to make sacrifices for him. Could things be different this time around?

I sighed and left Sylvie's apartment without any answers. I went back to my place and prepared myself to talk to Thomas. If there was one thing that I had learned, it was that running away from my problems was not a solution.