SIXTY-FIVE

Okay, so it took a little longer than a week, but here you go...



I stood outside the locker room door, wringing my hands and feeling extremely awkward. Slowly, one by one, the men began to file out of the locker room. The ones who knew me either sent me a short nod or an angry glare. I exhaled deeply and closed my eyes. I just wanted to go home, crawl into bed and never get out.

I waited for a few minutes after the last player exited before pushing the door open. Sid was sitting on the bench in front of his locker, staring down at his hands. I took a seat beside him.

"So," he said without looking up. I nodded, but couldn't speak. Tears began to sting my eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine."

"Bullshit." I couldn't help but smile at the way he was smirking at me.

"You still know me too well."

"I remember everything." We sat in silence for endless seconds as we both remembered...everything.

"Who was the girl?" I blurted out. My voice was barely above a whisper. Part of me needed to ask the question. The other part was afraid of the answer.

"What girl?"

"I stopped by your house to find you. There was a girl upstairs."

He groaned. "She's still there?"

"Umm..." I was shocked. Anger and jealousy overtook me. I knew it was irrational, but I was so upset that he had taken a girl home the same night that I tossed and turned, didn't sleep at all, because I was so excited and nervous to come see him.

Sid sighed. "We went out last night...it just kind of happened."

"Classy," I snapped. I stood up and started to walk toward the door. "You're disgusting. I used to have so much respect for you."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I didn't understand the rules. So you're allowed to completely overreact and run away without a word, act like I don't exist anymore, get fucking ENGAGED, but I was supposed to sit here like a good boy and wait for you."

"This was a mistake." My voice was shaking. I just wanted things to be different. I wanted to go back in time and start over.

Sid stood and walked toward me. "Karine, why are you here?"

My tears were falling freely now. I gave up trying to hold it all back. "Because I still love you, you idiot. You're all I can think about. For the past two years, you've been all I could think about. My heart hurts, Sid. It literally hurts. I want to go back in time and meet you for the first time again and change everything. I want to do it right, because God, Sid, I was so happy with you. I thought Thomas could fix my heart, but he just wasn't you. That's why it didn't work. That's why nothing else is going to work for me until we get closure. Because no one else is you."

He was quiet for a few seconds. "I still love you, too," he replied quietly. He placed his hand on my arm and steered me to the bench.

"Then why is this so hard?" I was close to completely breaking down.

"Maybe...maybe it just isn't supposed to happen." He couldn't make eye contact as he delievered that deathblow. I felt like he had punched me in the stomach.

"I think that's the opposite of our problem. I think it was always supposed to happen. I think we're soulmates. I just think our timing was wrong. But we're older now...we know what won't work, so maybe we can try what will work."

He nodded slowly and wrapped his hand around mine. "So what do we do?"

"Build a time machine and start this over."

"I won't have time to research theoretical physics until after the playoffs."

I laughed through the tears. "So...is this hopeless?"

"I want to say no..."

"...But."

Sid exhaled loudly. "But."

We sat in silence, holding hands, a million possible scenarios running through my head. I could move back to Pittsburgh...we could run away, change our names, start new lives.

"I just want to be with you. I don't care how hard I have to work to make that happen," I said. Sid stared into my eyes.

"That's all I want, too."

"Then let's stop hurting each other. Let's do this."

"How?"

"We have to take it slow this time. I'll stay in Montreal. I can't leave my job to move back here, especially when you're gone for half the season anyway. We'll have to deal with doing this long distance for a while, but if we can make it through that, then when the season's over maybe we could figure something out."

Sid nodded. "Baby steps."

"If we're meant to be together, we can do this. We just have to start fresh and do it right."

"We deserve a second chance."

I squeezed his hand. "This isn't going to be easy. But if it doesn't work, we can walk away knowing we gave it a fair chance."

Sid shook his head and smiled. "We are either absolutely perfect or absolutely terrible for each other."

I smiled back at him. "Let's strive for perfection."

***

I stayed in Pittsburgh for a few more days. The Pens had a three-game home stint, so I joined Mario in his box and cheered on my boy. When he had free time, we went on dates or cuddled on his couch. I felt like I was in high school again. I was giddy, butterflies had taken permenant residence in my stomach, and I was completely happy.

Going back to Montreal killed me. Sid took me to the airport and practically had to push me onto the plane.

"I want to stay here." I buried my head into his chest and cried.

"Hey, it's okay. Baby steps, remember? I'm only a phone call away." He placed his hand under my chin, raised my head and kissed me. "We'll see each other soon."

I smiled weakly and hugged him. "This is going to be so hard."

"It will be worth it. I promise."

I boarded the plane and put on a brave face. As I left the city of Pittsburgh, I felt nervous and excited, but most of all, hopeful. I had no idea what my future held, but it was going to be an adventure.